I have to admit, some days I don’t feel beautiful. And if I
am really honest with myself, those some days are really most days. I have
struggled most of my life with a dislike of my body, and by the sheer number of
celebrities stepping into the public eye and saying that they struggled with
eating disorders and self-esteem issues, I know that I am not alone.
Most mornings I wake up and don’t want to do anything. I
don’t wear makeup and I hate having to spend a long time getting ready. There
are mornings when I don’t have to leave the house that I am perfectly okay with
just staying in pajamas all day. Ponytails are my thing. I tell people most of
the time that I am just a low maintenance kind of girl, which is true, but a
lot of mornings, it is also true that I just don’t feel like it’s worth it to
get all dolled up.
I have always been a heavier set girl. I tend to be the
biggest one in my group of friends. As a result, most times I don’t get the
attention, and when I do, it’s not from guys that I would give the time of day
to.
I know that that sounds like I am putting myself down, but I
am truly just trying to be honest.
I wouldn’t trade most of my friends for the world. They are
some really great people, and the ones that I am really close to also share my
faith. However, there are days when I just really don’t want to be around any
of them because we can eat the same things, I will gain a pound, they will lose
2, and I am left trying to figure out just how that is possible.
It wasn’t till recently that I started to believe that who I
am is who God made me and that automatically makes me beautiful.
Jeremiah 1:5a says “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
before you were born I set you apart.”
Now I have a god baby in the works right now and it is absolutely
amazing to think about God sitting there in heaven deciding just what that baby
will look like. He is deciding its eye color and hair texture and ,yes, even its
body shape. And everything He is doing for that baby, He did for me and you. We
were designed by the same person that drew a lion out of the stars. We were designed
by the same person who created the Grand Canyon and the Sahara and the Everglades
and the Amazon. The same person that can give gnat all the parts it needs to function
and can create whales big enough to swallow people whole took the time to design
each of us perfectly.
I may still have low self-esteem on most days but it is something
about me that is improving, and a big part of that is me coming to terms with the
fact that I was designed by an awesome God and He thinks I am beautiful, therefore,
I should believe it too.
Your Fellow Water Walker,
Ashlee
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